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Permission to Feel Paperback – August 4, 2020

4.7 out of 5 stars 3,559 ratings

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The mental well-being of children and adults is shockingly poor. Marc Brackett, author of Permission to Feel, knows why. And he knows what we can do.

"We have a crisis on our hands, and its victims are our children."

Marc Brackett is a professor in Yale University’s Child Study Center and founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. In his 25 years as an emotion scientist, he has developed a remarkably effective plan to improve the lives of children and adults – a blueprint for understanding our emotions and using them wisely so that they help, rather than hinder, our success and well-being. The core of his approach is a legacy from his childhood, from an astute uncle who gave him permission to feel. He was the first adult who managed to see Marc, listen to him, and recognize the suffering, bullying, and abuse he’d endured. And that was the beginning of Marc’s awareness that what he was going through was temporary. He wasn’t alone, he wasn’t stuck on a timeline, and he wasn’t “wrong” to feel scared, isolated, and angry. Now, best of all, he could do something about it.

In the decades since, Marc has led large research teams and raised tens of millions of dollars to investigate the roots of emotional well-being. His prescription for healthy children (and their parents, teachers, and schools) is a system called RULER, a high-impact and fast-effect approach to understanding and mastering emotions that has already transformed the thousands of schools that have adopted it. RULER has been proven to reduce stress and burnout, improve school climate, and enhance academic achievement. This book is the culmination of Marc’s development of RULER and his way to share the strategies and skills with readers around the world. It is tested, and it works.

This book combines rigor, science, passion and inspiration in equal parts. Too many children and adults are suffering; they are ashamed of their feelings and emotionally unskilled, but they don’t have to be. Marc Brackett’s life mission is to reverse this course, and this book can show you how.

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From the Publisher

emotional intelligence

RULER is the name of Marc Brackett’s Center’s approach to teaching emotional intelligence, and it’s also an acronym for the five key skills:

Recognizing emotions in oneself and others

Understanding the causes and consequences of emotion

Labeling emotions with precise words

Expressing emotions, taking context and culture into consideration

Regulating emotions effectively to achieve goals and wellbeing

mood meter

Editorial Reviews

Review

“I cannot recommend Permission to Feel enough. . . . Practical, tactical, actionable. My favorite kind of book. I just loved it.”
―Brené Brown

"More than any other book on human feelings,
Permission to Feel integrates psychological research, educational practice, and compelling stories, including Marc Brackett’s own life experiences, to make emotional intelligence come alive. This is one book that leaders, educators, parents, students, and researchers will all find valuable . . . and fun to read."
Peter Salovey, President of Yale University and Chris Argyris Professor of Psychology

"We often create a false dichotomy between thinking and feeling. In this dichotomy, thinking is important, strong, and adaptive, but feeling is not. Marc Brackett shows us how emotions and our ability to feel, understand, and use them are key to fulfilling our potential."
Carol Dweck, Author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success and Professor of Psychology, Stanford University.

"
Permission to Feel is a deeply insightful and compelling examination of one of the most important but ignored dimensions of the human experience. In his honest, funny, and illuminating way, Marc Brackett helps us to understand how emotions influence our health, performance, and overall well-being, and how we can leverage their power to transform our lives.”
Vivek Murthy, MD, MBA. 19th Surgeon General of the United States

"A compelling and complete journey that delivers on its promise of giving us permission to feel. Marc Brackett shows us that emotional intelligence is not a gift but a skill―one that we can all learn, and benefit from immensely."
Angela Duckworth, Author of Grit, CEO, Character Lab, and Professor of Psychology, University of Pennsylvania

“I love this book! Marc Brackett has inspired me to be more open; taught me how to become an emotion scientist; and given me the tools to heal wounds in my own life.
Permission To Feel is raw, insightful, accessible, and in the end, empowering.”
Timothy Shriver, Chairman, Special Olympics

“This book is groundbreaking, eye opening, practical, and perhaps even life changing. Weaving together powerful stories and provocative research, Marc Brackett brilliantly conveys how social and emotional skills can improve the quality of our lives, relationships, and work. With compassion, humor, and wisdom Brackett shares perspectives that challenge us all to be better people.”
Roger Weissberg, Distinguished Professor Emeritus of Psychology, University of Illinois at Chicago; Chief Knowledge Officer, Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning

“There is a dire need to cultivate social and emotional skills in our nation’s youth. That starts with cultivating emotional intelligence in everyone involved in the education of children.
Permission to Feel lays a framework for what adults need to learn in order to support children―and themselves―in achieving academic and life success.”
―Carmen Fariña, Chancellor Emeritus, New York City Department of Education

"In business, we are often pressured to withhold or suppress emotions, ultimately creating toxic environments and interpersonal conflict. In
Permission to Feel, Marc Brackett teaches essential skills and tools for bringing our best selves forward. The results? Enhanced personal and professional outcomes, and healthier and more engaging workplaces. A must-read for every entrepreneur and their investors."
Deborah Quazzo, Managing Partner GSV AcceleraTE Fund

"If everyone were fully trained in emotional intelligence, the world would undoubtedly be a better place―and this book moves us one step closer to that reality."
―Forbes

"The author's research is wide-ranging, and his interweaving of his personal story with the data helps make the book less academic and more accessible to general readers... An intriguing approach to identifying and relating to one's emotions."
―Kirkus Reviews

"Brackett... examines how acknowledging one's emotions can create confidence and promote mental health in this provocative, accessible work... Readers looking for strategies for responding to stress, particularly in children, will find much guidance in this cogent, welcoming work."
―Publishers Weekly

About the Author

Marc Brackett, Ph.D., is the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, a professor in the Child Study Center at Yale University, and the author of the bestselling book Permission to Feel. Marc is the lead developer of RULER, an evidence-based approach to social and emotional learning that has been adopted by more than five thousand schools around the globe, and is the author of more than two hundred scholarly publications. He has been featured in many prominent media outlets, including The New York Times, The Washington Post, Good Morning America, Today, and the Huberman Lab podcast, and hasbeen the keynote speaker at more than seven hundred conferences around the world, including ones hosted by the White House, The New York Times, and the Aspen Institute. Marc regularly consults with Fortune 500 companies such as Google, Amazon, and Microsoft on best practices for integrating the principles of emotional intelligence into the workplace. In 2022, with Pinterest cofounder Ben Silbermann, Marc and his team cocreated HowWeFeel, an award-winning free Apple app designed to teach emotion skills and cultivate emotional well-being. In 2024, he launched the YouTube webcast Dealing with Feelings. Marc lives in Connecticut and New York City.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Celadon Books (August 4, 2020)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 304 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1250212839
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1250212832
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.3 x 0.8 x 8.2 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 out of 5 stars 3,559 ratings

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Marc Brackett
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Marc Brackett, Ph.D., author of Permission to Feel, is the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and a professor in the Child Study Center at Yale University. Marc has published 125 scholarly articles on the role of emotions and emotional intelligence in learning, decision making, creativity, relationships, health, and performance. He is the lead developer of RULER, an evidence-based, systemic approach to social and emotional learning that has been adopted by over 2,000 pre-K to high schools across the United States and in other countries. Marc has received numerous awards and is on the board of directors for the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL). He is co-founder of Oji Life Lab, a digital emotional intelligence learning system for businesses. Marc also consults regularly with corporations like Facebook, Microsoft, and Google on integrating emotional intelligence principles into employee training and product design.

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4.7 out of 5 stars
3,559 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find this book enlightening, describing it as a handbook that provides profound insights into emotional intelligence. The writing style is approachable and easy to read, making it a must-read for teachers returning to school. They appreciate the narrative style, with one customer noting how the author uses personal vignettes about his childhood to make his points. Customers consider the book well worth its price.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

58 customers mention "Enlightened content"58 positive0 negative

Customers find the book enlightening, describing it as a handbook that provides profound insights and excellent information, with one customer noting how it breaks down the subject matter effectively.

"...Professor Brackett’s is a highly entertaining and educational read. If you are in the working world, then definitely a must-read...." Read more

"...But there has been a lot of great points and ideas." Read more

"Permission to Feel offers profound insights into the critical role emotions play in our lives and society...." Read more

"...lays out and explains all these areas and gives us a roadmap for better understanding, navigating and more effectively mastering our emotions and..." Read more

44 customers mention "Emotion awareness"44 positive0 negative

Customers praise the book's approach to emotional awareness, describing it as a necessary masterpiece that helps readers better understand their feelings and effectively express them.

"...perfect for me to purchase his book Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive...." Read more

"...A must-read for anyone looking to improve emotional intelligence and foster a thriving environment for themselves and others." Read more

"I liked how honest the author was and how he found a way to unlock emotions. He doesn't just talk about the problem but gives solutions...." Read more

"...us a roadmap for better understanding, navigating and more effectively mastering our emotions and those of others around us...." Read more

41 customers mention "Readability"41 positive0 negative

Customers find the book highly readable, describing it as fantastic and a must-read for everyone, particularly teachers returning to school.

"Met the author. Book is amazing just like author. Great points. Would highly recommend" Read more

"This is an excellent book and a very important subject matter to shed light on!..." Read more

"...An excellent read!" Read more

"This is a fabulous and practical book of Prof. Marc Brackett...." Read more

21 customers mention "Writing style"18 positive3 negative

Customers appreciate the writing style of the book, finding it approachable and easy to read, with one customer noting how the author gently guides readers through concepts.

"I am still reading and its an easy ready but it hasnt sucked me in, yet. But there has been a lot of great points and ideas." Read more

"I liked how honest the author was and how he found a way to unlock emotions. He doesn't just talk about the problem but gives solutions...." Read more

"...This book comprehensively lays out and explains all these areas and gives us a roadmap for better understanding, navigating and more effectively..." Read more

"Met the author. Book is amazing just like author. Great points. Would highly recommend" Read more

5 customers mention "Value for money"5 positive0 negative

Customers find the book well worth its price.

"...hope and opportunity of emotional literacy is undeniable and well worth the investment of this book and some practice...." Read more

"...The quality is exactly as described. Great prices and ships quickly. Thank you!" Read more

"The content of this book is amazing, valuable, and should be read by everyone. It was written well and very engaging...." Read more

"Timely, valuable, pleasurable read..." Read more

4 customers mention "Narrative style"4 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the narrative style of the book, with one mentioning how the author uses personal anecdotes from his childhood and real-life encounters to make his points.

"...They are complete with real-life encounters and amusing anecdotes, and a page-turner...." Read more

"...He includes many scientific studies and anecdotal stories to make his points...." Read more

"...In Permission to Feel, he also interjects personal vignettes about his childhood that keeps one interested until the end. An excellent read!" Read more

"Awesome Book! Practical and Meaningful! Marc’s detailed anecdotes fit perfectly!" Read more

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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on September 8, 2019
    I watched an interview on CNN with Professor Marc Brackett discussing emotions. The timing and need were perfect for me to purchase his book Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive. My bias told me that this would be an academic tome full of footnotes and a dry read. I was entirely wrong (the crossreferences are in the appendix). Professor Brackett’s is a highly entertaining and educational read. If you are in the working world, then definitely a must-read. I wish my family and friends would all read this book. I highly recommend it. Dr. Brackett is promoting a happier way of life. If you have kids facing bullying at school, this is an essential read. They are complete with real-life encounters and amusing anecdotes, and a page-turner. Please regard this as a practical handbook or a skills guide to more fêted interpersonal relationships book. Dr. Brackett writes intimate accounts of his challenges as a kid growing up with his emotions and numerous examples taken from his family situation, in addition to the knowledge gained traveling nationally and internationally. I valued the way he weaves into this volume other academics in his field and contributions they made regarding emotions and related topics. If you are a male, female, parent, grandparent, spouse/partner, manager, employer, employee, worker, teacher or student, then this book/handbook is primarily for you. It was back to school for a new academic year this past week. My daughter tells me that her twins were not happy at the end of their first day. Had my daughter read this book, I suspect that she may have addressed her 12-year old’s situation differently. After reading Marc’s book the first time, you will gain additional benefit as you reread a second, third, and multiple times after that. There is so much to learn and apply in our daily lives. What a terrific contribution Dr. Marc is making to society, your input is profoundly affirmative. Thank you and thank you for helping me thrive. (This is much better than Dr. Benjamin Spock’s Baby and Child Care that my parents used to raise me). Bottom line: this book is a fun, informative, and an educational read
    147 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on December 5, 2024
    I am still reading and its an easy ready but it hasnt sucked me in, yet. But there has been a lot of great points and ideas.
    One person found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on July 17, 2024
    Permission to Feel offers profound insights into the critical role emotions play in our lives and society. Marc's expert guidance empowers readers to harness their emotions for personal growth and well-being. A must-read for anyone looking to improve emotional intelligence and foster a thriving environment for themselves and others.
    2 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on September 25, 2024
    Gained some good knowledge.
    Applying daily and seeing results.
  • Reviewed in the United States on September 20, 2024
    I liked how honest the author was and how he found a way to unlock emotions. He doesn't just talk about the problem but gives solutions. Thank you for your work!
    One person found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on December 7, 2019
    The author states that “emotions are the most powerful force in the workplace—as they are in every human endeavour”. I strongly believe this and there is increasing research and evidence that is coming to the same conclusion. If this truly is the case, then it is crucial that we learn more about emotions, what they are, how they impact us and how we can use them to work for us, rather than against us. This book comprehensively lays out and explains all these areas and gives us a roadmap for better understanding, navigating and more effectively mastering our emotions and those of others around us. As the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and Yale Child Study Center, Marc Brackett has developed the RULER system to help schools enhance and manage their emotions. The system has been adopted in thousands of schools in the U.S. and outside. The results have been very positive. This is not an academic tome, full of research and statistics. The author shares his own struggles with being bullied as a child and writes in a very accessible, entertaining and human manner.
    29 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on March 5, 2024
    Met the author. Book is amazing just like author. Great points. Would highly recommend
    3 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on November 21, 2023
    I participated in a training through the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and was so impressed by the depth of information and research that I was excited to learn more in this book. Highly recommend for so many people in various walks of life who could benefit from the research and wisdom in this book.
    12 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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  • Joaquin Torres Paris
    5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing Book
    Reviewed in Japan on December 9, 2023
    This books opens you to new horizons. It lets you know that your feelings are more than okay, how to label them and tools on how to handle them. Buy it! It will change your life.
  • Audrey
    4.0 out of 5 stars Tout le monde devrait prendre conscience de ce qu'est l'intelligence émotionnelle
    Reviewed in France on June 16, 2021
    Légèrement tâché mais cela ne m'a pas empêché de le lire!
    Ce livre m'a été recommandée et je ne regrette pas de l'avoir acheté. Il traite d'un sujet qui selon moi n'est pas assez -voire pas du tout- abordé, et pourtant si intéressant. Il m'a tout de même fallu un peu plus de temps que d'ordinaire pour être véritablement plongé dans le livre mais j'en tire tout de même un avis positif. Tout ce qui y est expliqué est appuyé par des études, des recherches (d'ailleurs il suffit de jeter un œil au nombre de pages consacré à toutes les références utilisées!). Cela peut ne pas plaire à tout le monde car un peu "lourd" ou trop "académique" mais cela donne en mon sens plus de crédit au principe de scientifique émotionnel qui peut paraître au premier abord un peu... contradictoire ? Mais après avoir lu ce livre vous changerez très certainement d'avis sur la place qu'occupe vos émotions et j'espère que vous retiendrez qu'elles ne sont pas un signe de faiblesse mais que bien utilisé, elles peuvent -et sont une force. Je conseille ce livre à ceux qui sont tout simplement curieux de savoir de quoi il s'agit exactement "la permission de ressentir", ceux qui sont peut-être toujours sceptiques sur le sujet ou ceux qui souhaitent avoir des petites méthodes afin d'acquérir davantage d'intelligence émotionnelle au quotidien
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    Audrey
    4.0 out of 5 stars
    Tout le monde devrait prendre conscience de ce qu'est l'intelligence émotionnelle

    Reviewed in France on June 16, 2021
    Légèrement tâché mais cela ne m'a pas empêché de le lire!
    Ce livre m'a été recommandée et je ne regrette pas de l'avoir acheté. Il traite d'un sujet qui selon moi n'est pas assez -voire pas du tout- abordé, et pourtant si intéressant. Il m'a tout de même fallu un peu plus de temps que d'ordinaire pour être véritablement plongé dans le livre mais j'en tire tout de même un avis positif. Tout ce qui y est expliqué est appuyé par des études, des recherches (d'ailleurs il suffit de jeter un œil au nombre de pages consacré à toutes les références utilisées!). Cela peut ne pas plaire à tout le monde car un peu "lourd" ou trop "académique" mais cela donne en mon sens plus de crédit au principe de scientifique émotionnel qui peut paraître au premier abord un peu... contradictoire ? Mais après avoir lu ce livre vous changerez très certainement d'avis sur la place qu'occupe vos émotions et j'espère que vous retiendrez qu'elles ne sont pas un signe de faiblesse mais que bien utilisé, elles peuvent -et sont une force. Je conseille ce livre à ceux qui sont tout simplement curieux de savoir de quoi il s'agit exactement "la permission de ressentir", ceux qui sont peut-être toujours sceptiques sur le sujet ou ceux qui souhaitent avoir des petites méthodes afin d'acquérir davantage d'intelligence émotionnelle au quotidien
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  • Brita Fernandez Schmidt
    5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent accessible and practical!
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 4, 2020
    This book is fantastic! It’s so well written and accessible and incredibly practical! I love the ‘Ruler’ tool the author presents and have already started to use it in my life whether at work or at home with my family! Understanding our emotions deeply and learning how to regulate them is extremely powerful! I can’t recommend this book enough and have already bought it for friends and family!
  • Frank Calberg
    5.0 out of 5 stars Permission to feel
    Reviewed in Germany on March 14, 2023
    Top takeaways from reading the book:
    - Pages 11, 18 and 55: To get better at naming emotions we feel, ask "What are the names of emotions you feel right now?"
    - Pages 11 and 18: To express emotions emotions or help people express emotions ask "What makes it difficult for you to talk about emotions you feel?"
    - Page 13: When we ignore or suppress emotions we feel, they become stronger.
    - Page 35: When people feel negative emotions, they cry for help.
    - Page 40: When people feel negative emotions, they do unhealthy things, for example eat too much and exercise too little.
    - Page 93: Shame is a judgment from the outside - from our perception that other people believe we broke a moral or ethical rule or some shared convention. We believe we are diminished in their eyes.
    - Page 107: When we name emotions we feel, we help other people to understand needs we have.
    - Pages 115 and 130: Anger is usually a response to inequality, injustice and unfair treatment.
    - Pages 146-147: To regulate emotions you feel, breathe. Why? Because breathing helps us slow down the heart rate, calm the mind and be fully present. Breathing through the nose is slower than breathing through the mouth and thereby slows breathing down.
    - Page 194: The 3 most important aspects of learning - attention, focus and memory - are all controlled by our emotions, not by cognition.
  • smita Chandorkar
    5.0 out of 5 stars Humanitarian
    Reviewed in India on November 18, 2019
    Readers can get wiser