This Is How It Always Is is about the Walsh-Adams family--Rosie, Penn, Roo, Ben, Rigel, Orion, and Claude. Although Rosie did everything she knew to do in order to become pregnant with a girl, her youngest child was born a son--Claude; however, Claude is not like his older brothers. Instead of GI Joes, he prefers Barbie dolls. Instead of jeans and tee shirts, he prefers twirly dresses. And instead of dreaming of growing up to be a fireman or football player or teacher, he dreams of becoming a girl. What starts off as simply indulging Claude's "pretend play" quickly becomes much more, and the Walsh-Adams family begins adjusting to the idea of having a daughter and sister named Poppy instead of a son and brother named Claude. Their acceptance and love of Poppy is undeniable, but when her safety in the real world comes into question, they move across the country and start new lives where Poppy can simply be Poppy and not "Poppy who used to be Claude."
Laurie Frankel has crafted a magnificent book with a poignant story, wonderfully developed characters, and valuable lessons. When I finished the book, I knew that I would be processing the emotions it evoked for quite some time and carrying the priceless lessons it taught much longer than that. To be quite honest, it evoked such powerful emotions that I had to take a break for a couple of days before I could finish the book, at one point. I found myself connected to Rosie's character on a deeply emotional level, especially, and following her journey--from falling in love with Penn as a medical student to a hard-working mother of five--was fascinating to me. Any mother or father can related to Rosie's and Penn's struggles to make the best decisions possible for all of their children and their desires to ensure that they be safe, healthy, and happy. However, as the mother of a child with autism, I found that their concerns about Poppy's unique situation were ultimately the same as the parent of any child with unique needs. We worry that others will judge our kids, that they will be picked on, or that they will be taken advantage of or abused. We worry that life will be hard for our kids. We worry that they won't live their best lives. We just want our kids to be loved and accepted for who they are on the inside. That's it.
But isn't that what ALL parents really want?
Rosie and Penn aren't perfect parents. They make mistakes and learn as they go, and Roo's storyline is a particularly painful reminder that although Poppy's needs are unique, they are not the only needs that exist in the Walsh-Adams family. However, Rosie and Penn and the things they learn about being parents to five very different children provide excellent lessons in how to raise good humans.
All of this is not to say that the plot and deeply moving lessons in the book are ALL This Is How It Always Is has to offer. The writing itself is unique and hypnotic. Frankel's way of weaving humor throughout the book was entertaining and made the Walsh-Adams family realistic and relatable. Any family with five children (including twin teenagers) is bound to have its fair share of chaotic moments, and witnessing those normal family interactions with all the humor they tend to involve allows readers to take notice of the fact that life moves forward, no matter how heavy our worries and secrets may be. Frankel's sometimes long, rambling sentences are frank and full of references to earlier details in the book, and they made the rhythm of the book completely enchanting, just like the fairy tales Penn told his children every night before bed. The characters themselves are lovable, and I absolutely adored everything about Claude/Poppy, especially, but I found myself drawn to them all.
Ultimately, Laurie Frankel has written an absolutely beautiful novel about loving people--especially our children--no matter what. In her author's note at the end, she says, "I know this book will be controversial, but honestly? I keep forgetting why." I keep coming back to those words, over and over again, and the power of such simple statements is undeniable. Understanding the lives of transgender children is impossible without having a front seat. Although this book is a far cry from a front seat, it's a valuable peek inside their world. That peek has helped me become a better mother to my own children--and a better human, in general.
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Popular Highlights in this book
“Easy is nice, but it’s not as good as getting to be who you are or stand up for what you believe in,” said Penn. “Easy is nice, but I wonder how often it leads to fulfilling work or partnership or being.”Highlighted by 5,624 Kindle readers- “All life. You are never finish, never done. Never become, always becoming. You know? Life is change so is always okay you are not there yet. Is like this for you and Poppy and everyone. The people who do not understand are change. The people who afraid are change. There is no before and no after because change is what is life. You live in change, in in between.”Highlighted by 4,904 Kindle readers
- How did you teach your small human that it’s what’s inside that counts when the truth was everyone was pretty preoccupied with what you put on over the outside too?Highlighted by 4,476 Kindle readers
- Just being yourself never worked, but if you made yourself up, you got to be exactly who you knew yourself to be.Highlighted by 3,791 Kindle readers
- They say it is what you never imagine can be lost that is hardest to live without.Highlighted by 3,046 Kindle readers
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This Is How It Always Is is about the Walsh-Adams family--Rosie, Penn, Roo, Ben, Rigel, Orion, and Claude. Although Rosie did everything she knew to do in order to become pregnant with a girl, her youngest child was born a son--Claude; however, Claude is not like his older brothers. Instead of GI Joes, he prefers Barbie dolls. Instead of jeans and tee shirts, he prefers twirly dresses. And instead of dreaming of growing up to be a fireman or football player or teacher, he dreams of becoming a girl. What starts off as simply indulging Claude's "pretend play" quickly becomes much more, and the Walsh-Adams family begins adjusting to the idea of having a daughter and sister named Poppy instead of a son and brother named Claude. Their acceptance and love of Poppy is undeniable, but when her safety in the real world comes into question, they move across the country and start new lives where Poppy can simply be Poppy and not "Poppy who used to be Claude." Laurie Frankel has crafted a magnificent book with a poignant story, wonderfully developed characters, and valuable lessons. When I finished the book, I knew that I would be processing the emotions it evoked for quite some time and carrying the priceless lessons it taught much longer than that. To be quite honest, it evoked such powerful emotions that I had to take a break for a couple of days before I could finish the book, at one point. I found myself connected to Rosie's character on a deeply emotional level, especially, and following her journey--from falling in love with Penn as a medical student to a hard-working mother of five--was fascinating to me. Any mother or father can related to Rosie's and Penn's struggles to make the best decisions possible for all of their children and their desires to ensure that they be safe, healthy, and happy. However, as the mother of a child with autism, I found that their concerns about Poppy's unique situation were ultimately the same as the parent of any child with unique needs. We worry that others will judge our kids, that they will be picked on, or that they will be taken advantage of or abused. We worry that life will be hard for our kids. We worry that they won't live their best lives. We just want our kids to be loved and accepted for who they are on the inside. That's it. But isn't that what ALL parents really want? Rosie and Penn aren't perfect parents. They make mistakes and learn as they go, and Roo's storyline is a particularly painful reminder that although Poppy's needs are unique, they are not the only needs that exist in the Walsh-Adams family. However, Rosie and Penn and the things they learn about being parents to five very different children provide excellent lessons in how to raise good humans. All of this is not to say that the plot and deeply moving lessons in the book are ALL This Is How It Always Is has to offer. The writing itself is unique and hypnotic. Frankel's way of weaving humor throughout the book was entertaining and made the Walsh-Adams family realistic and relatable. Any family with five children (including twin teenagers) is bound to have its fair share of chaotic moments, and witnessing those normal family interactions with all the humor they tend to involve allows readers to take notice of the fact that life moves forward, no matter how heavy our worries and secrets may be. Frankel's sometimes long, rambling sentences are frank and full of references to earlier details in the book, and they made the rhythm of the book completely enchanting, just like the fairy tales Penn told his children every night before bed. The characters themselves are lovable, and I absolutely adored everything about Claude/Poppy, especially, but I found myself drawn to them all. Ultimately, Laurie Frankel has written an absolutely beautiful novel about loving people--especially our children--no matter what. In her author's note at the end, she says, "I know this book will be controversial, but honestly? I keep forgetting why." I keep coming back to those words, over and over again, and the power of such simple statements is undeniable. Understanding the lives of transgender children is impossible without having a front seat. Although this book is a far cry from a front seat, it's a valuable peek inside their world. That peek has helped me become a better mother to my own children--and a better human, in general.
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on September 12, 2017
This Is How It Always Is is about the Walsh-Adams family--Rosie, Penn, Roo, Ben, Rigel, Orion, and Claude. Although Rosie did everything she knew to do in order to become pregnant with a girl, her youngest child was born a son--Claude; however, Claude is not like his older brothers. Instead of GI Joes, he prefers Barbie dolls. Instead of jeans and tee shirts, he prefers twirly dresses. And instead of dreaming of growing up to be a fireman or football player or teacher, he dreams of becoming a girl. What starts off as simply indulging Claude's "pretend play" quickly becomes much more, and the Walsh-Adams family begins adjusting to the idea of having a daughter and sister named Poppy instead of a son and brother named Claude. Their acceptance and love of Poppy is undeniable, but when her safety in the real world comes into question, they move across the country and start new lives where Poppy can simply be Poppy and not "Poppy who used to be Claude."
Laurie Frankel has crafted a magnificent book with a poignant story, wonderfully developed characters, and valuable lessons. When I finished the book, I knew that I would be processing the emotions it evoked for quite some time and carrying the priceless lessons it taught much longer than that. To be quite honest, it evoked such powerful emotions that I had to take a break for a couple of days before I could finish the book, at one point. I found myself connected to Rosie's character on a deeply emotional level, especially, and following her journey--from falling in love with Penn as a medical student to a hard-working mother of five--was fascinating to me. Any mother or father can related to Rosie's and Penn's struggles to make the best decisions possible for all of their children and their desires to ensure that they be safe, healthy, and happy. However, as the mother of a child with autism, I found that their concerns about Poppy's unique situation were ultimately the same as the parent of any child with unique needs. We worry that others will judge our kids, that they will be picked on, or that they will be taken advantage of or abused. We worry that life will be hard for our kids. We worry that they won't live their best lives. We just want our kids to be loved and accepted for who they are on the inside. That's it.
But isn't that what ALL parents really want?
Rosie and Penn aren't perfect parents. They make mistakes and learn as they go, and Roo's storyline is a particularly painful reminder that although Poppy's needs are unique, they are not the only needs that exist in the Walsh-Adams family. However, Rosie and Penn and the things they learn about being parents to five very different children provide excellent lessons in how to raise good humans.
All of this is not to say that the plot and deeply moving lessons in the book are ALL This Is How It Always Is has to offer. The writing itself is unique and hypnotic. Frankel's way of weaving humor throughout the book was entertaining and made the Walsh-Adams family realistic and relatable. Any family with five children (including twin teenagers) is bound to have its fair share of chaotic moments, and witnessing those normal family interactions with all the humor they tend to involve allows readers to take notice of the fact that life moves forward, no matter how heavy our worries and secrets may be. Frankel's sometimes long, rambling sentences are frank and full of references to earlier details in the book, and they made the rhythm of the book completely enchanting, just like the fairy tales Penn told his children every night before bed. The characters themselves are lovable, and I absolutely adored everything about Claude/Poppy, especially, but I found myself drawn to them all.
Ultimately, Laurie Frankel has written an absolutely beautiful novel about loving people--especially our children--no matter what. In her author's note at the end, she says, "I know this book will be controversial, but honestly? I keep forgetting why." I keep coming back to those words, over and over again, and the power of such simple statements is undeniable. Understanding the lives of transgender children is impossible without having a front seat. Although this book is a far cry from a front seat, it's a valuable peek inside their world. That peek has helped me become a better mother to my own children--and a better human, in general.
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- Reviewed in the United States on February 28, 2017
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Top reviews from other countries
- Amazon CustomerReviewed in Canada on July 22, 2020
I'm undone. What a book. Perfect.
