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Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself Paperback – June 23, 2015
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Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind offers expert advice on how to limit self-criticism and offset its negative effects, enabling you to achieve your highest potential and a more contented, fulfilled life.
More and more, psychologists are turning away from an emphasis on self-esteem and moving toward self-compassion in the treatment of their patients—and Dr. Neff’s extraordinary book offers exercises and action plans for dealing with every emotionally debilitating struggle, be it parenting, weight loss, or any of the numerous trials of everyday living.
- Print length320 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherWilliam Morrow Paperbacks
- Publication dateJune 23, 2015
- Dimensions0.72 x 5.31 x 8 inches
- ISBN-100061733520
- ISBN-13978-0061733529
Book recommendations, author interviews, editors' picks, and more. Read it now.

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- From the Buddhist point of view, you have to care about yourself before you can really care about other people. If you are continually judging and criticizing yourself while trying to be kind to others, you are drawing artificial boundaries and distinctions that only lead to feelings of separation and isolation.Highlighted by 9,676 Kindle readers
- The best way to counteract self-criticism, therefore, is to understand it, have compassion for it, and then replace it with a kinder response.Highlighted by 9,390 Kindle readers
- This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.Highlighted by 8,926 Kindle readers
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- This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.Highlighted by 3,776 Kindle readers
Editorial Reviews
Review
“Neff’s compassionate tone makes Buddhist principles accessible, and exercises make them applicable in real life.” — Publishers Weekly
“A portable friend to all readers―especially but not only women―who need to learn that the Golden Rule works only if it’s reversible: We must learn to treat ourselves as well as we wish to treat others.” — Gloria Steinem
“A beautiful book that helps us all see the way to cure the world, one person at a time, starting with yourself. Read it and start the journey.” — Rosie O’Donnell, talk show host
“An original and doable blueprint for improving the quality of your life.” — Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of Flow and Creativity
“Neff’s powerful research and her ability to explain how self-compassion affects our everyday lives makes this book a transformative read.” — Brené Brown, Ph.D., author of The Gifts of Imperfection
“This is an important book. Following its advice can free readers from the chains of self-criticism and replace them with the wings of self-encouragement.” — Steven Stosny, Ph.D., author of Love Without Hurt
“In this deeply personal, highly practical book, Kristin Neff moves the entire study of compassion forward.” — Sharon Salzberg, author of Lovingkindness and Real Happiness
“Drawing on a powerful blend of Western psychology and Eastern meditative strategies, Kristin Neff offers practical, wise guidance on the path of emotional healing and deep inner transformation.” — Tara Brach, Ph.D., author of Radical Acceptance
“This book and its courageous and compassionate author will become essential reading for all of us seeking inner peace and true, lasting happiness in our lives. Savor and enjoy!” — Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., author of Mindsight
“Brilliant! Self-compassion is a revolutionary new idea-a better idea-pioneered by the author, Kristin Neff, with profound implications for how to live our lives.” — Christopher K. Germer, Ph.D., author of The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion
“Based on state-of-the-art research, Neff provides essential lessons for how to excel personally and professionally through self-compassion.” — Dr. Todd B. Kashdan, author of Curious? and Designing Positive Psychology
“This is an important book. Following its advice can free readers from the chains of self-criticism and replace them with the wings of self-encouragement.” — Steven Stosny, Ph.D., author of Love Without Hurt
“If you have a longing to relate to your inner life with authentic care, this book will show you how. Drawing on a powerful blend of Western psychology and Eastern meditative strategies, Kristin Neff offers practical, wise guidance on the path of emotional healing and deep inner transformation.” — Tara Brach, Ph.D., author of Radical Acceptance
From the Back Cover
The relentless pursuit of high self-esteem has become a virtual religion. Our ultracompetitive culture tells us we need to be constantly above average to feel good about ourselves, but there is always someone more attractive, successful, or intelligent than we are. And even when we do manage to grab hold of high self-esteem for a brief moment, we can't seem to keep it. Our sense of self-worth goes up and down like a Ping-Pong ball, rising and falling in lockstep with our latest success or failure.
Fortunately, there is an alternative to self-esteem that many experts believe is a better and more effective path to happiness: self-compassion. The research of Dr. Kristin Neff and other leading psychologists indicates that people who are compassionate toward their failings and imperfections experience greater well-being than those who repeatedly judge themselves. This book powerfully demonstrates why it's so important to be self-compassionate and give yourself the same caring support you'd give to a good friend.
Using solid empirical research, personal stories, practical exercises, and humor, Dr. Neff—the world's foremost expert on self-compassion—explains how to heal destructive emotional patterns so that you can be healthier, happier, and more effective.
About the Author
Kristin Neff is currently an Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. She is a pioneer in the field of self-compassion research, conducting the first empirical studies on self-compassion almost twenty years ago. In addition to writing numerous academic articles and book chapters on the topic, she is author of the book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. In conjunction with her colleague Dr. Chris Germer, she has developed an empirically supported training program called Mindful Self-Compassion, which is taught by thousands of teachers worldwide. They co-authored the Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook and Teaching the Mindful Self-Compassion Program: A Guide for Professionals. Her newest work focuses on how to balance self-acceptance with the courage to make needed change. In June 2021, she will publish Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive.
For more information on self-compassion, including a self-compassion test, research articles, practices, and Dr. Neff's teaching schedule, go to www.self-compassion.org.
Product details
- Publisher : William Morrow Paperbacks; 1st edition (June 23, 2015)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 320 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0061733520
- ISBN-13 : 978-0061733529
- Item Weight : 8.3 ounces
- Dimensions : 0.72 x 5.31 x 8 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #2,055 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #12 in Self-Esteem (Books)
- #19 in Emotional Self Help
- #43 in Happiness Self-Help
- Customer Reviews:
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About the author

Read more at www.self-compassion.org
Kristin got her Ph.D. in 1997 at UC Berkeley, studying moral development. She is currently an Associate Professor in Human Development at the University of Texas at Austin.
During Kristin's last year of graduate school she became interested in Buddhism, and has been practicing meditation in the Insight tradition ever since. While doing her post-doctoral work she decided to conduct research on self-compassion - a central construct in Buddhist psychology and one that had not yet been examined empirically. In addition to her pioneering research into self-compassion, she has developed an 8-week program to teach self-compassion skills. The program, co-created with her colleague Chris Germer, is called Mindful Self-Compassion.
Customer reviews
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the book's teachings transformative, with practical exercises that help change their outlook on life. Moreover, the writing style is casual and easy to understand, and customers appreciate its heart-warming, feel-good approach to self-compassion. Additionally, the book's soothing voice and friendly conversational style make it engaging, with one customer noting it reads like a conversation. However, the content receives mixed reactions, with some finding it helpful in guiding through self-doubt while others find it superficial.
AI-generated from the text of customer reviews
Customers find the book extremely insightful, noting that its teachings have changed their lives and providing countless practical exercises.
"...This author offers easily understood directions. Very helpful!" Read more
"...of hard talks with a therapist out loud, this book is a great step in the right direction...." Read more
"...The exercise are well placed and whole relevant. This is now one of my ‘go to’ reads when in or nearing a crisis...." Read more
"...Through practicing the wisdom of self-compassion and mindfulness diligently I have begun to find true strength, beyond the complement-recognition-..." Read more
Customers find the book highly readable and engaging, with activities to work through, and one customer mentions gaining valuable insights from it.
"This is a gem of a book and one I desperately needed to read...." Read more
"i absolutely love this book. The author does a great job of sounding personal with vignettes, offering low risk thought prompts...." Read more
"...She does so in a very human, humorous and enjoyable manner, which makes this book a true pleasure to read...." Read more
"Good book" Read more
Customers appreciate the book's focus on self-compassion, with several noting its emphasis on being kind to oneself. One customer mentions how it draws on Buddhist Loving Kindness Meditation, while another highlights its deep understanding of the human condition.
"...to myself exercise, I began to experience the freedom and power of self compassion...." Read more
"This book defines self compassion vs self esteem and then tells HOW to practice self compassion...." Read more
"Easy to read, relatable and candid. Particularly, as Dr. Neff takes her through her personal struggles...." Read more
"...then you can unleash your true power as a compassionate, loving, accepting being and genuinely help your loved ones, society and the world all in one..." Read more
Customers appreciate the writing style of the book, finding it easy to read and understand, with a casual tone that relates well to readers.
"...This author offers easily understood directions. Very helpful!" Read more
"Easy to read, relatable and candid. Particularly, as Dr. Neff takes her through her personal struggles...." Read more
"...The approach is direct but gentle, with reputable knowledge shared from a phd. This book has become one of my self love bibles...." Read more
"...The exercises are so simple and the advice will set your brain to sparking, esp. if you have a spiritual bent as do I...." Read more
Customers find the book heartwarming and feel uplifted by its feel-good outlook on life, with one customer noting how it helps calm the body and mind.
"...Neff writes with the warm and compassionate quality to be expected from the bearer of her message...." Read more
"...A spring of joy and hapinness. So familiar, easy to reach just beyond my fingers. Thank you for showing me the path to reach out and get there...." Read more
"...Simple, easy, and so positive. Enjoyed the read and look forward to offering it and recommending to others." Read more
"...author can make you redirect your thoughts in such a positive, anxiety-free light. 5 star all around!" Read more
Customers appreciate the conversational style of the book, with one customer noting it reads like a conversation, while another mentions it provides a whole new type of self-talk.
"...starting at a low level and working her way up... Without ever being demeaning or condescending. I wish all authors were this eloquent...." Read more
"...We have had lovely, meaningful dialogue as a result...." Read more
"...scientific studies, personal stories, comforting words and a great deal of discussion as to how self-compassion is our resource when dealing with..." Read more
"...enough, it's had an unexpected side effect - I've become nicer to other people. I highly recommend." Read more
Customers appreciate the soothing voice of the audiobook, with one customer noting how it offers an antidote to negative self-talk, while another mentions how the narrator uses personal vignettes to engage listeners.
"i absolutely love this book. The author does a great job of sounding personal with vignettes, offering low risk thought prompts...." Read more
"...to this in audiobook form and found the narrator to have a very soothing voice." Read more
"...This book offers an antidote to the negative voice that everyone hears. This book is for everyone...." Read more
"...There are references to scientific studies, personal stories, comforting words and a great deal of discussion as to how self-compassion is our..." Read more
Customers have mixed reactions to the book's content, with some finding it helpful in guiding through self-doubt, while others find it too science-like and superficial.
"...I feel Empowered. And almost Brave. This does not read as a medical/scientific text and I tend to be highly skeptical about these sorts..." Read more
"I found this book extremely insightful and helpful in evaluating the self doubt we all seem to experience...." Read more
"...that this book by an eminent expert on self-compassion was pretty superficial, offering only obvious, common sense prescriptions you might hear from..." Read more
"...n't a fabulously interesting book by any account, and there's nothing too innovative even though the title may sound novel to some...." Read more
Reviews with images

This book found me when I needed it most ❤️
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on February 20, 2023This is a gem of a book and one I desperately needed to read. I am so grateful to Dr. Neff for having the courage to be as honest and vulnerable as she was in order to live and then write about her own self compassion so it could be shared with others.
In my efforts to be the best I could be in so many areas of my life, I drove myself to attempt perfection mercilessly. A lot of that was inherited from my father and made worse by a demanding and unempathetic marriage partner.
Just in the first being kind to myself exercise, I began to experience the freedom and power of self compassion. It enabled me to see and accept that we all share many of the same experiences, make the same mistakes and even feel the same way about ourselves, which is why we need self compassion to begin with. I was no longer an island of failure, but a normal person, making normal mistakes and having normal feelings. Having worked with an excellent therapist for the last five years, I was able to add to my work on being present and mindful in and through the reality of what is.
The final chapter of Self Appreciation was the icing on the cake! Learning not only to accept myself when things aren't as I'd like, but to cultivate appreciating what is good and wonderful too. Truly, this is who I am - who we all are, "warts and all" as they say. I am so appreciative of this book and the life altering truth within it.
If six stars was an option, that would be my rating. Thank you Dr. Neff!
- Reviewed in the United States on January 17, 2025This book defines self compassion vs self esteem and then tells HOW to practice self compassion. Therapy tells us to practice self compassion but don't explain clearly how to do that. This author offers easily understood directions. Very helpful!
- Reviewed in the United States on July 28, 2024i absolutely love this book. The author does a great job of sounding personal with vignettes, offering low risk thought prompts. and many real-life examples that shows how the information may apply to you. I actually bought the free kindle version during a sale, and enjoyed it so much that I bought the hard copy.
Sometimes, I would start the chapter believing the topic she was describing didn't apply to me. And, at face value, it didn't. However, she frequently goes on and provides different childhood experiences or interpersonal interactions that lead to the same mal-adaptive thinking that is self-deprecating. And follows that up with helpful quotes and questions to work within ourselves to be kinder to ourselves.
If you are someone in their early stages of unpacking their negative self-talk, can't or isn't ready to have those types of hard talks with a therapist out loud, this book is a great step in the right direction. Forewarning, I haven't finished the book because sometimes the chapters hit me deeper than expected and I'm left crying so be aware that you might experience that too :) The author was also on an NPR Hidden Brain episode which I listened to and thought was good.
- Reviewed in the United States on May 12, 2024Easy to read, relatable and candid. Particularly, as Dr. Neff takes her through her personal struggles. The exercise are well placed and whole relevant. This is now one of my ‘go to’ reads when in or nearing a crisis.
At times mildly repetitive. Oh, and there has to be a synonym for ‘equanimity.’ 🤭
- Reviewed in the United States on January 15, 2014For the past four months, I have been diligently practicing mindfulness and accepting my emotions, even showing compassion for emotions such as anger and fear. The approach of self-compassion complements mindfulness training (as taught by Jon Kabat-Zinn or Thich Nhat Hahn among others) very, very well indeed. In fact, it seems that our society cultivates the exact opposite, going hard on one's self and evaluating one's self in an overly critical manner is the norm. In practicing these principles, I have emerged from year long depression and anxiety to regain my life. These techniques have helped see the gift of my depression and anxiety. Through practicing the wisdom of self-compassion and mindfulness diligently I have begun to find true strength, beyond the complement-recognition-dependent limitations of self-esteem.
When did we stop being as understanding, compassionate, caring and loving to ourselves as we are to those we love dearly? How can we recharge ourselves after working so hard at our jobs and trying so very hard to do everything right? Our inner critic, it seems, is never satisfied and continues to find fault although we have long earned recognition. Apart from that we are as perfect as we were the day we were born - when did we stop seeing ourselves in that light? Herein lies the rub, for in neglecting, punishing and criticizing ourselves, we are compelled to try to fill this empty void through excessive consumption of food, products, relationships, attention-seeking. The result is catastrophic, despite rampant consumption and the destruction of the environment, depression and mental illness are on the rise! Our inner critic continues to devour any praise and complements our self-esteem gets - if we turn the tables as Kristen Neff suggests, the result is the kind of profound, lasting change we have been wanting all our lives and it is painfully simple! Each and every one of us deserves this.
Kristen Neff has done a very thorough job of presenting this invaluable wisdom as practiced, among other sources, in the Buddhist Tradition (it is also conveyed in many other faiths, philosophies etc.). She does so in a very human, humorous and enjoyable manner, which makes this book a true pleasure to read. If you are devoted to improving your life experience and that of those you love, please begin by accepting and loving yourself - flaws and all - then you can unleash your true power as a compassionate, loving, accepting being and genuinely help your loved ones, society and the world all in one. May the wisdom of this book help many to heal themselves, the rest will take care of itself.
- Reviewed in the United States on December 6, 2024I truly love this book.
Spending months alone and searching for inner strength- I found this book to be such a helpful tool through my journey of self love.
The approach is direct but gentle, with reputable knowledge shared from a phd.
This book has become one of my self love bibles. I’ve shared it with many close friends.
I hope this book finds you when you need it too 😊
5.0 out of 5 starsI truly love this book.This book found me when I needed it most ❤️
Reviewed in the United States on December 6, 2024
Spending months alone and searching for inner strength- I found this book to be such a helpful tool through my journey of self love.
The approach is direct but gentle, with reputable knowledge shared from a phd.
This book has become one of my self love bibles. I’ve shared it with many close friends.
I hope this book finds you when you need it too 😊
Images in this review
- Reviewed in the United States on November 9, 2024Like a companion book. We could all use a lot more self compassion. Do we all know what it is? Yes. Do we all practice it like we should? Nope. Follow along to this book... It's a good one.
- Reviewed in the United States on March 14, 2025Good
Top reviews from other countries
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Client d'AmazonReviewed in France on May 4, 2023
5.0 out of 5 stars Parfait !
Livraison rapide ! Merci
- Kindle CustomerReviewed in the Netherlands on March 14, 2025
4.0 out of 5 stars Great but I like the new burnout book best!
This book is great but I like the author's new book on burnout more because I find it a bit more relevant to today's problems, clearer and more concise, and updated with the author's newer concepts of tender and fierce concepts of self compassion.
- AnastasiaReviewed in Australia on August 16, 2022
5.0 out of 5 stars Incredible!
This book has some revolutionary ideas, I can’t believe how something so simple can be so effective. I’ve been able to mindfully practice self compassion for a few weeks now and it has changed my life and my outlook on life. The book is beautifully written and it’s just such a joy to read. It has also mentioned another book, on nonviolent communication which I now practice too in conjunction to self compassion. Im so grateful for this book!
- Kindle CustomerReviewed in the United Kingdom on January 29, 2025
5.0 out of 5 stars Transformative and inspiring
Very enlightening and inspiring book. Some of the language, words & concepts are a bit dated and are indicative of the time in which the book was written, but there are certainly universal truths that transcend space, time, culture, religion and gender within this book.
Self-compassion, self-appreciation, gratitude and compassion for others are truly key to sustainable happiness, wellbeing and inner peace.
- Kindle CustomerReviewed in India on January 22, 2025
5.0 out of 5 stars Nice
Good book.