*Review originally posted on Goodreads* 'I wish cutting my feelings off for the person who hurt me was as easy as I used to think it would be. Preventing your heart from forgiving someone you love is actually a hell of a lot harder than simply forgiving them.' It Ends With Us was beautifully complicated. It was hot and cold. Up and down. Good and bad. Beautiful and ugly... I'm still trying to figure out how I really feel about it all because I'm genuinely torn on how I want to perceive this storyline. I loved it but in all honesty, I really do think I hate it as well. Not the "I-hate-you-Colleen-Hoover-stop-writing-books-and-find-a-different-career" type of hate but rather "I-hate-you-Colleen-Hoover-for-making-me-hate-everything-that-I-came-to-love" kind of hate because it pretty much summarizes all my thoughts and feelings about It Ends With Us in one sentence. My opinions were completely divided. One side of me, the hopeless romantic, was utterly unsatisfied and angry with the outcome of the story. The opposite side, the one that's all about women's empowerment, was cheering on #TeamLily like it was Independence Day. Rather than trying to sugarcoat my thoughts, I'm just going to be completely honest. I was 100 percent team Ryle from the very first time we met him. Just like Lily, I fell in love with every word and every gesture that rolled off of his body. I. WAS. HOOKED. It also didn't help that I kept fantasizing Doctor Mike as Ryle Kincaid. *heart eyes emoji* I loved his ambition. His personality. His confidence. To be honest, I think I might've loved Ryle even more than Lily did but that's another story for another day. That more than likely explains why I took the second half of this book like a blow to the gut. Once we got to the second half of the book, that's where it started going a bit downhill for me as a Ryle and Lily shipper. Every happy moment that ever happened between my ship came barreling down as it collided with pain and abuse. I was angry. I was thrashing. I was yelling at the pages in front of me, "Why are you doing this Colleen?!" But most importantly, I was just heartbroken to see such a beautiful couple become so toxic. Everything I loved about the first half of the book was slowly unraveling right before my very eyes as if it never really existed in the first place. I can't even remember how many times I wanted to put the book down because my hopeless romantic self just couldn't handle it anymore. But I just kept on reading because I was guiltily hoping that Ryle and Lily would still have their happy ending despite all that had happened. :/ Sadly, this was where I was torn the most. I have the upmost respect for Lily. She is definitely one of my favorite female characters that Colleen has ever created because she did what a lot of us would've struggled to do in the end: walk away. Lily was such a strong character and I admire her so much for having the strength to stand up for herself. There were numerous times towards the end of the book where I knew I probably would've gave in and forgave Ryle for his actions but Lily was inflexible. She was in a tough position but she put her foot down and demanded better for herself. In the end, no matter if I ship Ryle/Lily or Atlas/Lily, I'm glad that Lily was able to find peace for her and Emmy. As for Atlas, I liked him but I didn't love him. Definitely nowhere near my love for Ryle. I wasn't exactly rooting for Atlas but I wouldn't have minded if Lily chose him in the end. However, I still very much preferred Ryle regardless. I just felt that Atlas was the typical knight in shining armor. Typical good guy you run to. His background story was interesting but him as a character... not so much. He just felt so ordinary and predictable. I wanted to ship Atlas and Lily because let's face it, the signs were practically being shoved down our throats, and although the relationship between Ryle and Lily was developing, Atlas's presence was a like a thorn on your side you just couldn't shake off. But I just couldn't bring myself to ship them blindly like I did with Ryle and Lily. Unfortunately, I was too far gone and too far in love with the idea of Ryle and Lily to make room for Atlas and because of that, I'm not sure if I'll ever be fully satisfied with that ending. I was happy that Lily was no longer a victim of domestic abuse. I'm glad that after all that happened between them, Lily and Ryle parted on good terms. I'll forever be heartbroken over the idea of what could've been. And I feel indifferent to Lily and Atlas. Sorry not sorry, Atlas. That basically sums up all my feelings in a nutshell. To be honest, I was actually feeling a bit more bitter than I'm making it seem after that ending. But after reading the author's note, it really put things in perspective for me and made me look at the story with brand new eyes. I developed a new understanding and appreciation for the story behind the story. I was dying for Ryle and Lily to have their happy ending. Until the very end, I was still rooting for them. It's such an ugly confession to make especially when the couple you're rooting for is toxic and abusive. And I think I feel this way because I never, and hopefully I never will, had to experience abuse. I don't know what it's like and what goes on in the minds of the abused. Colleen did such an excellent job at creating the perfectly imperfect man that was Ryle. Abuse in books has always been a trigger for me and if it were any other book I think I would've put this book down by the first incident of abuse. But Colleen just made you fall so deeply in love with a character that even you couldn't bring yourself to hate him even if you wanted to. YOU were the Lily of this story. But unfortunately, I don't think my Lily would've had the courage to leave. I really wish I could say that I would leave in an instant, but I think I would honestly be lying to myself. You can tell yourself that if you were in Lily's position you would leave in a blink of an eye, but things wouldn't be as easily said and done if you were the one who was actually experiencing it all. And in truth, I think this is exactly what Colleen wanted us to actually sit down and think about because victims who've experienced abuse wouldn't be rooting for Ryle and Lily. I wouldn't be rooting for Ryle and Lily. It just goes to show how much of a struggle it really is to walk away from someone you love and loves you back in all the wrong ways. I usually never read the author's notes after the book but I'm really glad I took the time to read Colleen's story. It really did make me see the situation from a different perspective. I'd been having a bad CoHo streak for three books in a row (if you're curious, the books were — in order — Hopeless, November 9, and Too Late) and for a moment there I was beginning to think that I was doomed to never enjoy another book written by Colleen Hoover again. But PRAISE. It Ends With Us restored my faith completely in the CoHo hype. Not that I was ever planning NOT to read any more of Colleen's books! Colleen Hoover is 100 percent my favorite auto-buy author. I will always buy her books no matter if I end up loving them or not, and with good reason because Colleen is such an exceptional writer. It Ends With Us still wasn't able to top Ugly Love as my favorite CoHo book of all time but I really enjoyed this book more than I thought I would.